Pt 1: What Are Your Values? How to Discover and Live by Them
In Chum Kiu, the second form of Wing Tsun, we speak of “seeking the bridge.” On one level, this is technical — about physically bridging the gap between you and your opponent. But there is a deeper, more spiritual lesson within it: the art of connecting.
If Siu Nim Tau, the first form, is about knowing yourself, then Chum Kiu is about using that self-knowledge to meet and bond with others. We write about this in Winning Not Fighting, especially in the chapters on Positivity and Don’t Force. For me, Chum Kiu is a reminder that understanding others begins with understanding yourself — and that true connection is never forced. It is invited, discovered and cultivated.
And central to that journey of connection is the question of values.
Not in the superficial, stereotypical corporate sense — where a company slaps words like “Integrity” and “Teamwork” on the wall while behaving in ways that contradict them. I mean real values. The fundamental drivers and the internal compass you return to when times are hard. The principles you live by when no one is watching.
In my experience, most conflict — in personal relationships, in business partnerships, even in nations — stems from a conflict of values.
Think of a Venn diagram: your values, someone else’s values, and the space where they overlap. That shared space is where deep connection happens. But when you operate from different values — whether about money, time, how you act, or how people should be treated — you will inevitably come into tension. That’s why it is essential to ask yourself:
What are my values?
Are they truly mine? Or were they inherited, imposed, or unconsciously adopted?
In Wing Tsun, each form expresses a foundational value in its training, which when understood, maps a path to personal enlightenment through movement. It does so across four progressive stages:
Siu Nim Tau – Individuation: Knowing yourself.
Chum Kiu – Community: Connecting with others.
Biu Jee – Freedom: Navigating boundaries and responsibilities.
Wooden Dummy & Beyond – Wholeness: Union with something greater than yourself.
Each of these reflects a layer of the human journey — and underpinning these are your own personal values.
Recently, I had a beautiful moment. I was talking with one of my senior students — someone who has trained with me for nearly twelve years — about the values that underpin Kwoon, our platform for sharing ancient and modern wisdom. I asked him to guess the six values I hold most dearly. Without hesitation, he named 4 of the 6 and the first two exactly — in the same words, in the same order.
That moment struck me. Because, in the past, I’ve often felt misunderstood – particularly with my deep passion and love for the art and how that can come across. This interaction helped give me insight on how far I’ve come in terms of clarity and alignment of myself. And how they had become part of the culture around me.
Let me share the six value I named:
1. Curiosity: A deep, insatiable desire to understand — life, people, systems, movement. Curiosity keeps me young, engaged, and energised. It shifts me from judgement to enquiry, from static knowledge to dynamic discovering.
2. Honesty: The ability to speak openly — especially when it’s difficult. If we cannot be honest, life becomes superficial, and relationships are empty. For me, honesty is the foundation of all meaningful connection.
3. Debate: The freedom to challenge ideas. Debate is how we grow, how we sharpen ideas and how we evolve. I want my students to challenge me, to question the method, and to explore deeply.
4. Action Bias: We learn by doing — by showing up, by testing, and by experimenting. The first three mean nothing without doing. Talking about learning is not the same as training. Reading about connection is not the same as building a bridge.
5. Mastery: The lifelong pursuit of depth and continuous refinement - real, embodied understanding. It’s the foundation of everything I teach, and I strive for in my own practice.
6. Kindness: Kindness brings humanity to all the above. It is the thread that makes all the other values meaningful — and it’s the legacy I hope to leave in my relationships and in my teaching.
These are the values I take into every class, every conversation and every business venture. They shape how I teach, how I lead, and how I live.
But this post is not about me. This is about you.
The Three Reflections of Values
Discovering your true self through passion, pain, and connection.
So often we live our lives on autopilot, with so many things going on that we don’t take the time to work out our deeper motivations — the ways we see and interact with the world. We often assume that others have the same values and perceptions as we do, but this is rarely exactly the case.
When we start to look deeper, it is often not easy. In Wing Tsun, the aim is to bring these unconscious drivers forward — typically through the use of movement, pressure, and wise enquiry — so that we can see them, and ultimately work with them rather than be ruled by them.
Discovering your values is not simply about thinking harder. It starts by noticing — seeing what lifts you, what hurts you, and what is reflected back to you by the people around you. There are three main ways I begin with my students, clients and companies. I call this framework The Three Reflections of Values:
1. Positive Reflections — What Draws You Forward
Ask yourself:
The Passion Test:
What excites you the most — and why? What is it about these things that lights you up?Where Your Time and Money Go:
Look at your calendar and your bank statement. Where do you invest your time, energy, and resources?Who Inspires You:
Who do you admire most — and what values do they embody that you are drawn to?
Do you notice any patterns about the people you look up to — what do they share in common?
These questions help show you where your natural energy flows — what you are moving toward.
2. Negative Reflections — What Hurts or Triggers You
Sometimes your values reveal themselves most clearly through pain:
The Stress Test:
What stresses you the most — and why? What important part of you feels like it has been let down?The Betrayal Reflection:
When have you felt deeply hurt? What core value was crossed? What value did you not share with the other person?The Regret Test:
If you were at the end of your life, what would you regret not having lived true to — or done? And why?
When you understand the pain here it can give you honest and deep insights.
3. Third-Party Mirrors — What Others Reveal About You
You are not alone in your journey.
Others often reflect back parts of you that you might not see clearly.
Who You Spend Time With:
Look at your closest friends. What values do you share? What draws you together? When do you feel most deeply connected to them?What Your Friends Tell You About Yourself:
Ask trusted people: “What do you believe I stand for? What comes to mind when you think of me?”
Sometimes others can see our values shining through when we ourselves are too close to notice.
These Three Reflections are not just quick exercises. They are slow, deep questions that deserve your full attention.
My suggestion is to give yourself a set amount of time to answer them as best you can.
Then let the answers percolate — let them settle and evolve — and write down any insights as they emerge over the coming days and weeks. Because when you know your values, and really know them, you begin to live a life that is unmistakably your own.
You step out of the shadow of others' expectations, and you begin to walk your own path with clarity and strength.
I’d love to hear what you discover — feel free to share your reflections in the comments below.
Sifu
"When you know what you stand for, the world no longer decides who you are — you do."